Things I see on Tinder that make me give them a big fat NOPE.

1. Gun.

2. Girls. Especially ones I think are prettier than me.

3. Flipping off the camera.

4. Pictures that don’t have your face.

5. Pictures that have so many faces I don’t know which one is yours.

6. Typos.

7. Text shorthand.

8. Gun aimed at camera.

9. Blurry pictures.

10. No picture.

11. “Just looking to have a good time.”

12. Incorrect usage of “fancy” words.

13. Beer bong. Or other type of bong.

14. Cigarette in hand. Or mouth. Cigarettes in general.

15. All shirtless pictures.

16. If you look like my ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, or anybody I strongly dislike.

17. Pictures at Burning Man*.

18. Dead animal(s).

19. Same name as ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, or pretty much anybody I know.

20. Pictures of cute girls kissing you.

21. Pictures of you humping inanimate objects.

22. If I can fit my fist through the gauged hole in your ear.

23. Bare ass.

24. Pictures of you in the gym.


Tinder is this dating app where you flip through people’s pictures and a short description that they’ve written. You can say LIKE or NOPE to each one. If both people say LIKE, then you get to chat.

I went out for a drink with my professor-turned-friend after her poetry reading on Wednesday night and met this amazing woman who is a current student at my former college. She’s pretty awesome and I might be slightly embarrassed if she reads this one day.

So we were talking and she told me about Tinder. Since I’m kind of back into online dating (sort of, kind of, not really) and I’m going speed-dating next Monday, she thought I might like to give it a try. She met her girlfriend on it, and I’m a sucker for stories of people actually meeting using the internet.

I’ve been using the app for half a day and have started talking to exactly one guy. I’ve said NOPE to a lot of guys. There isn’t a list, so I don’t know how many. But I’ve been super picky. And I’m allowed to be. I hear people use the app for hook-ups, so I’m trying to be as careful as possible. Because that may be cool for some people, but I’m really not looking for that.

Anyway. It’s an experiment. And this came into my head as I was flipping through guys and clicking LIKE or NOPE over and over. So, there you have it. The reason behind this seemingly random post.

*I have nothing against people who go to Burning Man. It’s just not for me. And if it’s your annual vacation, then I really don’t think we’re going to hit it off. Just being honest, you know?

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5 comments on “Things I see on Tinder that make me give them a big fat NOPE.”

  1. Cameron

    Mark and I met via an online dating site that doesn’t exist anymore, but it was great fun. Somewhere I have printouts of our profile pages that I made when I heard the site was shuttering.

    I think your list is more than reasonable, for the record. 🙂

  2. Stevie

    Tinder isn’t a dating app. Tinder is a hook-up app. NO ONE is using it to date. Seriously.

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