I stood at the kitchen counter, nuking leftovers in the microwave and packing T’s lunch, and listening to how long he was in the bathroom to make sure he was brushing his teeth properly, and I started to think.
Am I nuts?
Tonight I decided to sit in on one of the professional development classes run through my department. Writing a Winning Blog and Social Media Strategy sounded interesting, and I love blogging and social media, so I decided to go for it. A friend was available to watch T for a couple hours while I went to class. I could handle this. No problem.
And then I had exactly an hour to drive halfway across town to pick up T and then drive all the way across town to drop him at the friend’s house, and finally arrive at class. Luckily the class was at the campus near my friend’s house. I arrived with probably 30 seconds to spare.
After class I was the first person out the door and was pulling out of the parking lot while other students were still milling around chatting. I picked up T, spent just a few minutes chatting with my friend and wishing I could sit and breath for a little while longer, and then sped off across town to get home just before 10 p.m.
T got ready for bed with minimal complaint while I went about doing the things I typically do while cooking dinner. Since T had dinner with our friends, I figured reheated leftovers were good enough for me today. Actually they’re good enough for me a lot of days. I like cooking too much food so I don’t have to cook every day.
Then, as I started to pack T’s lunch, I remembered that I had planned on going to the grocery store today. We’re running low on lunch things and milk. It was supposed to be a quick trip, but not one I could convince myself to do at 10 p.m. when T has school the next day.
I also found out tonight that the class is a three-night deal. Three nights. In a row. Six to 9 p.m. On the other side of town. I had already mentioned this to my friend, and she said if I wanted to go the other two nights, they could watch T again. I won’t make the third night because of previous plans (book release for a friend!), but I could still make the second night.
When am I supposed to go to the store? When am I supposed to have any time to hang out with my son? He read to himself tonight, instead of reading to or with me, and I felt guilty about it. I was packing up the trash to toss it in the dumpster tomorrow morning and putting dishes away that have been sitting (at least they’re clean?) on the counter for a couple of days and taking inventory of the things we need in the pantry. In case I figure out how I can go to the store and attend the second day of class.
I have to ask myself again: am I nuts?
I picked up a study guide for the GRE from the library this weekend, and I have to go to grad school. I just have to. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t try. And even though I know grad school won’t be three nights of classes in a row, I still worry about how I’ll get everything done. What will I have to let go so I can go to school without losing my mind? Can I still write (and blog), read for fun, build Lego cities with my son, keep up the editing business, and survive graduate level courses? All while holding down the 40-hour a week job? Is there enough time in the week to do everything I want to do? Will I have to sacrifice even more sleep to get it all done?
I ask as I type a blog post after midnight.
I thought about saving this and editing it for later, but then I decided against it. Instead I’m going to hit publish, go sneak another kiss on my son’s cheek, and then I’m going to attempt sleep.
I can figure this all out tomorrow.