The last several months of 2013 were difficult for me. My medication stopped working and then I switched to a new one, and I just spent so much time in the pit of depression that I don’t remember a lot of it. At a New Year Eve party, we went around and everyone shared one of their favorite memories from 2013. I couldn’t think of one. Nothing. How does that happen? How do 365 days pass and not one stands out in my mind?
So now I’ve got a new medication, doubled the dose and found one that works for me. I’m testing out a new counselor. I’m cautiously optimistic. I have those dreaded thoughts of “I’ve tried this before and failed” but I’m working on pushing them aside. Look! I’m even writing. I hardly do that anymore.
I read something recently about how successful people are successful because they know where they are going. They have specific goals, and they make decisions and move through life with those goals or destinations in mind. They know what they want, and they go for it.
I don’t do that. I don’t think I’ve ever done that. I tell myself I have goals, but I don’t take them seriously. I move through my days directionless. I want certain thing because I think I should want them. But do I want them for myself? I’m not sure.
This year, or at least the first part of it, I want to explore and discover what it is I want – for myself and for my son. I want to set specific goals and make decisions that affect them smartly. I don’t want to be drifting anymore. I want to have a plan. I want to be successful.
So that’s it. A new year, a better me. A me with direction and perhaps even purpose.