Today I went to pick up T from summer program and I ran into the director. She’s a lovely woman with a cheerful disposition who has really been there for us these past couple of years T has been at her school. When she could tell I was going through hard times, she was always there with a hug and reassurances.
She grinned at me with a light in her eyes. I knew what she was going to say. What all his teachers have been saying.
I can’t believe school starts Monday.
I can’t believe he’s starting first grade in a new school.
I can’t believe how time has flown.
I offer hugs and tell them how much I’m going to miss them. How much T will miss them. How they’ve made a difference in our lives.
And it’s all true. We will miss them. They have made a difference in both of our lives.
But I’m not getting all wistful about it. I don’t want to cry thinking about how my monster is starting FIRST GRADE on Monday. I don’t want to cry thinking about how he’s leaving this school that he’s been going to for a couple of years.
I can be overly emotional about a lot of things in life, but my son getting older is – apparently – not one of them.
The director hugged me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She gushed about how much T has grown, and how he is the smartest kid “in the world”. She joked that his first grade teacher won’t know what to do with him. “He’s reading at a second or third grade level!” And then she told me about another mother who came in crying every day this week because she was going to miss everyone when her child started Kindergarten at a new school (this school isn’t offering K anymore – T was in the last class). And a father who gave the director a hug every morning and told her he’s really going to miss her.
So I accepted her hug and I told her that we’ll miss her. I told her that she’s made a difference in our lives.
And then I walked away…not feeling any particular way about it all.
It’s just another milestone in my son’s life that apparently has no emotional effect on me whatsoever.
And I can’t help feeling a little disappointed in myself.