Conflicted

Sometimes it’s like I don’t know what decade I belong in.

I am an independent woman (thank you Destiny’s Child for ruining that term BTW), and I can take care of myself. I do what needs to be done to make sure my son has the necessities in life. I work 8-5, Monday through Friday, and spend some of my out-of-work time doing freelance editing gigs. I pay my bills on time and can take care of myself thankyouverymuch.

But when I go on a date, I find myself almost expecting the guy to pay. It’s actually a bit of a relief when he pays for dinner and the movie (or whatever non-cliched date thing we might do). No joke.

There’s always a part of me that screams, EQUALITY! YOU DON’T NEED ANY MAN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU! YOU ARE CAPABLE OF PAYING FOR DINNER!

That’s the part of me that was born in the 80s. After women could vote and work and do anything a man can do (only get paid less to do it, what?). The part of me that was raised to wear jeans and have short hair if I like and can ask a boy out if he takes too long to ask me out.

Then there’s the part of my biology that never divorced itself of primary male and female roles. That’s the part that wants him to pay, to open doors, to drive, to work full-time if we get married so I can write/edit from home. There’s a part of me that still would like to be taken care of once in a while. The part of me that doesn’t want to be everything all the time. The part of me that wants to just shrug off some responsibility.

That’s where dating comes in. When I go on a date, it’s a break for me. I’m not the overwhelmed mother of one struggling to make each paycheck last until the next. I’m just a girl who wants to be taken care of for an evening.

And my independent-I-can-do-anything side of me hates me for that.

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6 comments on “Conflicted”

  1. Amanda Austin

    I dont’ think there is anything at all wrong with that. I’m very much the same way. I do a lot for my husband and feel like I kick ass most of the time, but can’t help but sometimes be jealous of women who are treated “like princesses” by their husbands….I mean, he treats me really well and is sweet and kind, but it’s very much an equal distribution, ya know?

  2. Shell

    I’m of the mind of even though I KNOW I can take care of myself, I see nothing wrong with enjoying it if someone else wants to take care of me for a little bit. 😉

  3. Leighann

    Oh I so get this!! I have always been independent and able to take care of myself but sometimes it would be nice to ask my husband for something extravagant.

  4. Ben

    This coming from the other side of the gender. I am a very independent man myself. I also enjoy taking my significant out regularly. We have been together for almost 14 years, we lived together for 4 years in the middle of our relationship if that makes sense. I live in my home and her in hers now. I still open her doors and hold her hand. I buy most meals when we are out for a date. She will from time to time want to buy our meal when we are out and its her call, all fine with me. I would rather pay for the movie, meal or whatever date we are on. She is very independent and can pay her way with or without me. I like the strong streak of Independence she has, she is a sensitive lady and caring lady and raised 3 daughters on her own, so…my point is it goes either way. I enjoy her Independence and don’t push my issues for the most part. I do lead for the most part and I also enjoy the times she wants to get her hands dirty if she so wills to. I guess my point is this, she is a sexy lady and she is a tomboy in the same body, spirit and mind. I feel lucky that she is strong-willed and a lady at the same time. There are men like me out there and its not always easy for men to “allow” a lady flexibility in their person. I find it good that we are both independent and still one in so many ways.I Hope this helps.

  5. Megan (Best of Fates)

    I know exactly what you mean. But I think that it’s perfectly normal – and I would assume not even gender specific. As in, I assume there are times the guy is like, man, wish someone would take care of me tonight/make me dinner/buy me a hula hoop. (I’m not good at projecting other peoples’ wants.) But I think it’s just a normal, childlike part of everyone that remembers when you were completely taken care of and is like, well, that rocked, it’d be awesome to feel a little bit more like that for a while!

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