Rain, Rain, Go Away…

Image courtesy JD Fahey. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons Attribution license.

“Rain, Rain, Go away. Come again some other day.”

Agnes opened her eyes and turned her head towards the whisper. She saw nothing beside her but the window. Droplets of rain raced each other down the pane. The sky beyond it lit up for a brief moment as lightning struck down.

The thunder rumbled a moment later and she clenched her eyes shut. She couldn’t get the soft voice out of her head.

“It’s raining; it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He went to bed; he bumped his head. And he couldn’t get up in the morning.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks as the rain rolled down the window. The darkness on the other side of her blanket illuminated again.

“Mama, why couldn’t the old man get up?”

She remembered. She remembered another storm, the little girl curled up in her arms as she rocked the glider back and forth. She sang the songs to calm the little girl’s fears of the thunder and lightning.

“He bumped his head, Mattie. He had a headache and didn’t want to wake up.”

“Oh.” She watched the little girl consider what she’d said. “Is that why you don’t want to get up in the morning? Did you bump your head?”

Agnes put a pillow over her head. She didn’t want to remember anymore. She didn’t want to think of the little girl she’d left. She wanted to bump her head and forget.
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This piece was written as a part of my fictional work-in-progress, Finding Agnes. You can find more from Finding Agnes here.

Red Writing Hood is a weekly writing meme from the Write on Edge community. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

This week’s Red Writing Hood prompt: Weather can be a powerful catalyst in writing. Storms, sunny beach days, and days of rain can impact setting, plot development, and mood. This week, use rain as the inspiration for your fiction or creative non-fiction piece. The word limit is 400, so please come back this Friday and show us what you’ve written.

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11 comments on “Rain, Rain, Go Away…”

  1. M

    Wow! This is great. and how you were able to do it with a 400 word-limit is truly amazing.

  2. Jennifer

    I agree this was really nicely done, really haunting. For some reason it made me think (without having read the other parts) that she was in a psych ward. I’m not sure why I shared that impression only that it was a strong one.

    • Roxanne

      How interesting! She is a character that might need a visit in a psych ward, but alas she’s hiding out in a hotel room here. I had to edit out some descriptive stuff to meet the word limit. Thank you for your kind words.

  3. Raven Ai

    There is a whole lot of story in so few words. This is brilliant (even if its unintentional 😉 keep it up!

  4. angela

    I can’t WAIT until Agnes’s story is put together and complete. I was wondering if we would see a moment like this, some level of regret, and you did it so well.

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