RWH: Freedom

It was as if a spotlight was shining directly on the bicycle. It was bright blue and Agnes knew she had to have it immediately.

“David! Oh, David please. I need that bike.” She wrapped her hand on his elbow and led him to the wall of the thrift shop.

David smiled, enjoying the sudden smile on his wife’s face. He was glad her mother had volunteered to watch the baby so they could have dinner just the two of them. It seemed just the break that Agnes needed. After dinner she’d asked if they could walk downtown for a while, and David thought he saw a hint of the old Agnes.

“It’s a nice looking bike,” David said.

“Nice looking? It’s beautiful.” Agnes breathed the words as she ran her hand over the mostly white handlebar. “Do you know what this bike could do for me? Do you know what this bike means? I could go anywhere. I wouldn’t be stuck at the house all the time.”

David glanced at the price tag, “That does seem like a good idea.”

Agnes’s voice was dreamy, she didn’t take her eyes off the bike. “I could drop off the baby at Elise’s and ride all over town, finding places to sketch. I’d have…freedom.”

“You know they make seats that you can put on the back of the bike, so you could even take Mattie with you.” David was brightening at the idea.

Agnes’s left eye twitched, but she kept looking at the bike. “Oh please, David? Please can I get the bike?”

David smiled, “Of course you can sweetie.

Agnes kicked the kickstand up and stretched her leg over the bicycle. She rode the the bike to the front register, David walking behind her. He watched her glide down an aisle of kitchenware, her legs stuck out and her head pointed towards the ceiling. He could see her eyes were closed. For the first time since Matilda was born, he could see that she was finally relaxed.

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This piece was written as a part of my fictional work-in-progress, Finding Agnes. You can find more from Finding Agnes here.

Red Writing Hood is a weekly writing meme from the Write on Edge community. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

 

 

This week’s Red Writing Hood prompt:  This week, your prompt is a simple concept that can be fraught with complication. You have 400 words to write a fiction or creative non-fiction piece about freedom, in any way that makes sense to you.

Photo courtesy Monica Arellano-Ongpin. It has a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.

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10 comments on “RWH: Freedom”

  1. Kathryn

    This really resonated with me. I loved how she was so obviously thinking of herself being free and he was thinking of freedom as being able to move herself and the baby around. Nice job! 🙂

  2. erica

    Good job. I liked it. I think you might want to make it more explicit that she’s trying to get away from the kids. Her eye twitching doesn’t really convey that clearly. Other than that it was good.

  3. Kir

    you know that it took me until THIS year to feel this kind of feeling? It was the writing, the words that tumbled out and then the conferences etc, but I know what that bike means to her, what it signifies.

    Your words and descriptions were perfect, they were exactly what you feel like in those months (or yrs) after the baby(ies) come..where you stretch yourself to find the parts that are still “you”.

    I loved this Rox.

  4. Carrie

    What a great scene! It’s so awesome to finally find that freedom.

    You did a great job portraying Agnes’ child-like excitement. I could feel the wind in my hair 🙂

  5. Wisper

    That eye twitch is so telling. I can see it now – she doesn’t want to take the baby with at all despite what her husband is suggesting. Great job with the details.

  6. angela

    It’s almost hard to read these early parts of her post-baby life, knowing how things go badly for her. I think it’s interesting how you set up the dynamic between Agnes and David, where they are trying so hard to be on the same page, but their feelings and understanding about Mattie are just so different.

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