Red Writing Hood: To the Moon

She reached to the moon,
but the moon wasn’t there
Her hands filled with stars,
slowly turning them dust
She reached to the moon,
an illusion, she was sure,
a speck in the sky taunting
She reached to the moon,
she could see it, feel its glow
She yearned to touch the rough surface,
craters filled with nothing,
She reached to the one,
who would understand the dark
She reached to the moon,
but the moon wasn’t there

Agnes closed her sketchbook and tucked it under her mattress. She knew Marilyn and Tomas would not invade her privacy, but she wanted to be extra careful.

She sat next to the only window in the small room she rented above the elderly couple’s garage and stared at the moon. She remembered her father telling her that most people could see a face on the surface of the moon – the “man in the moon.” But she never saw a man’s face.

She saw a child, crying out for her mother.

Tears filling her eyes, Agnes wrapped a blanket around herself and crawled into the small bed. She pulled the soft pillow over her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

She thought of her own mother. Her tears fell freely. She let herself cry until she felt there were no tears left. She finally felt empty. She was filled with nothing. She was a crater on the moon.

A child, crying out for her mother.

——————————-

This piece was written as a part of my fictional work-in-progress, Finding Agnes. You can find more from Finding Agnes here.

Red Writing Hood is a weekly writing meme from the Write on Edge community. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

 

 

This week’s Red Writing Hood prompt: Angela reminded us all earlier: “… own your words, embrace your strengths, and believe in your writing.” With that in mind, for Friday you have 500 words to write a piece, fiction or non-fiction, which includes the phrase “to the moon.”

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10 comments on “Red Writing Hood: To the Moon”

  1. Lance

    We both went artists being artistic, angst and tears. I think you did it better.

    I love how she lets us feel her deep emotion for a breif few moments. The hiding the sketchbook under the mattress was perfect.

    good work

  2. lindy smith

    heartbreaking and lovely. I like the way you opened with a poem and then led us into a deeper story. I want to know more.

  3. angela

    Oh Agnes!

    I like the way you twisted together her feelings of both mother and child here. I think this shows a lot of depth to her character; I haven’t really felt her loss (through her leaving) yet, and this was simple and sad.

  4. Cameron

    Those closing lines gave me goosebumps.

    This is where I really begin to feel with Agnes, if that makes sense, the sense of her loss being a thread not only between her and the daughter she left, but through her back to her own past.

  5. Brianna

    I really like this, especially the poem at the beginning. One tiny thing, though, in the fourth line of the poem, I think you left out the word “to.”

  6. Wisper

    Poor Agnes. Her pain and loss are poignient in this piece. You have crafted such a compelling story with her. I love it!

  7. Jenn

    My heart broke at the first line and my heart broke at the last last line. Beautiful work.

  8. shelton keys dunning

    “a crater on the moon”

    This whole piece has some beautiful, haunting imagery, but the line that resonates most with me is “a crater on the moon”. Simply perfect.

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