Sometimes I forget what it was like before.
Before the arguments. Before the lies. Before the depression.
I forget that where there was anger, there used to be joy. Where there was frustration, there used to be laughter. Where there was rejection, there used to be love.
I’ll come across a photo and I’ll look at our faces, wondering: Was this in the before, or was this the after?
It’s important for me to remember there was a time of happiness and love between us. It will always be important to remember.
He is my son’s father. Without him in my past, my son would not be here in my present.
I am not one to believe that “everything happens for a reason” or that there is such thing as destiny, or fate. If it hadn’t been him, it would have been someone else.
But I do believe that the experiences I have had were worth it. Because even though I sometimes forget what it was like in the before, I know there was a before. There was laughter. There were smiles. There was friendship.
And there was love.
I do not hate my ex-husband. I do not regret the time we had.
Sometimes I don’t like things that he does, or says, or doesn’t do. But that’s true with any relationship.
I try my best to harbor no ill will against him. I do not blame him for what happened. It takes two to tango, to marry, and to divorce.