I had to leave work today to walk down to the courthouse to pick up some paperwork.
I’ve talked before about all of the imaginary conversations I have in my head, right?
There’s another layer to my craziness.
See, I have this little issue with paranoia. It’s nothing extreme, but I am very cautious (except for that one time we aren’t speaking about). The entire walk to the courthouse, I was constantly checking my surroundings, getting good looks at the people passing me, and watching out for any out-of-control vehicles that might be heading my way.
What? That’s perfectly normal. Shut it.
On my walk back, I came to a crosswalk about the same time as another girl who is probably close to my age but really her age doesn’t matter. Although she did have this beautiful head-wrap that I wanted to ask her about but I felt very self conscious and then the events I’m about to disclose happened and it would have just been creepy.
So we arrive at the crosswalk at pretty much the same time, coming from different directions but about to cross in the same direction. I am awkward with personal space, so I try to keep a little distance from her. The walk signal comes on and I pace myself so that I am behind her and do not seem rude hustling by her. It’s something I do. It’s silly, I know. But you have no idea.
We walk a block or two like this. Her in front, and me a couple steps behind. My natural walking pace is faster than hers, but the sidewalks are small and, again, walking past her seems rude to me. For whatever reason.
She looks back, seemingly past me.
Then I start getting these weird thoughts in my head. What if she thinks I’m following her? Wouldn’t that be weird? I really wish she would go a different direction than me at the next crosswalk so she knows I’m not following her. Dammit! She’s going the same way. I could go a different way back to work, but then it would take me twice as long to get back and – oh – I think she’s going to turn left here. I need to go straight. Perfect.
I see her push the button for the crosswalk. So I walk up confidently and push the other button. Then I step forward to indicate to her that I am going straight even though she is turning left.
I’m staring at the light. I have a stop, so she must have a go, right? But she’s just standing there. I can feel her behind me. Now she’s in my peripheral vision. She’s waiting with me. Oh crap. I pushed the wrong damn button. So now she saw me push the button to cross left, but I’m waiting with her. Now she really thinks I’m following her. Dammit Roxanne. You pushed the button facing the way you want to go, not the one with the arrow pointing the way you want to go. Why do they put the crosswalk buttons like that? Now I look like either a stalker or a freaking idiot.
|Kind of wishing I had been abducted…
image via We Heart It
Walk sign is on.
She steps forward first, so now she is in front of me again. Dammit. She looks behind her again, locking eyes with me. I stare at the packet of papers in my hand.
I’m not following you. I’m not following you. I’m not following you.
She’s not getting my telepathic messages. We get to another corner and she stops. I keep walking, with determination. Look, I have somewhere important to be. We are not going to the same place and I am not following you. No creepy stalkers here. Wee!
My building is right there, in plain sight. I cross a small grassy area to make it obvious where I’m going. I can feel she has started walking again. In my direction. So she probably did think I was following her.
I get into the building. I sit at my desk. I put my head down.
I’m a freaking crazy person.