Tips for your online dating profile

I’m thinking of linking to this on my own dating profile. Except knowing potential dates are reading my blog seems kind of weird to me…

Picking a screen name

*Numbers in your screen name are kind of annoying. Especially if the number is 69. #youarelame (oh yeah, I hashtagged that shizz.)

*Related: If your screen name looks like a random collection of letters and numbers, you have a lot in common with the assholes spamming my Twitter account. I would rather get a message from “hotguy4u” than “xJ4sQv813ZPi”.

*For goodness sake, consider your spelling. I know there are a limited number of characters, but calling yourself “hoplessromantic” makes you look like an idiot. Unless you are unable to hop.

*Be consistent. If your screen name is “Jake29yrs”, but your profile says you are 23, something is wrong there. (The same goes for lying in your profile. If your profile says 33, then you better damn well be 33. I don’t want to find out later that you are 38. Because all great relationships start off with lies, right?)

Choosing a profile pic

Seriously. Who does this?
You know, besides a blogger trying to
make herself laugh.

*No bathroom mirror pics. Especially if you are in a public restroom. (This goes for all profile pics on all social media anywhere ever.)

*Please. Keep your shirt on. Unless the picture is from the beach, or another no-shirt appropriate location.

*If there is more than one person in a photo on your profile, be sure to put which one is you in the caption. Also? If the other person in the photo is your dating gender of choice, mention who that person is. Because I’m really hoping it’s not your ex. For a myriad of reasons.

*They are profile pics. You do not need to show off your car, or an awesome scenic picture you took. You should be in the picture.

*Flexing for the camera makes you look like a douche. So does wearing anything Ed Hardy and your cap worn sideways.

What are you looking for?

*For the love of…do not check the box that says you “Have Children” if the “child” you are referring to is a pet.

*FYI: Requesting potential dates be “drama-free” tends to mean you that you have a lot of drama in your life, and you let yourself be ruled by it. Seriously. Check out your Facebook wall. See all those people complaining about all the drama in their lives? Aren’t they usually the drama queens?

*Text speak makes you look lazy. Misspellings make you look stupid. You’re on a computer. Learn how to use it to make you look slightly more desirable.

*Talk more about yourself, rather than what you are looking for. Otherwise, you look really picky. Which comes off more as arrogant than “he knows what he wants.”

*Be very clear if all you are looking for is a hook up. There is always a place to say it. If that’s what you’re looking for, awesome for you. But I’m not, so don’t make me waste my time.

*For goodness sake, take the initiative. A few message back and forth are all you need to know if you want to meet this person face-to-face. So, you know, as the other person out. There is only so much you can learn from words on a computer screen. If you are looking to date, then freaking go on a date.

*If a girl says she’s looking for between 24-33 and you are outside that range, maybe you should look elsewhere. Especially if you are 19 or 45.

*If you start seeing someone exclusively, take down your profile. I don’t want to waste my time messaging you if you aren’t even available. And I’m not looking to be your “other woman” or a “back up” either.

Honest to goodness quote from his profile:
“i want a girl that would love me for me and not want sex right off the bat.”

What about that first message?

*If your profile says you are looking for a long term relationship, your first message should not be: “Want a 3some?” 

*Asking questions in a first message is good. Asking my favorite sexual position is not.

*The site saying we are a 93% match means nothing to me. You must engage me in conversation from the get-go, or I probably won’t respond. Unacceptable first messages include “how r u?” and “hey baby.”

*We have to have more in common that just being single parents. I do not define myself solely through  motherhood. If all you are is a parent, then I am probably not going to be interested in you.

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