I am deep in the pit.
I’ve been here a long time.
I thought I was clawing my way out.
And then it hit me. Student loan payments. Preschool. Denied for Head Start because I make too much money.
So, according to the Department of Education, I qualify for a deferment because I am considered to be 150% below the poverty line. But according to the Head Start Program, I make too much money for my child to go to a free preschool program.
The doctor increased my medication, but I feel like I’m still getting worse.
I’m sitting at work right now, and I cannot motivate myself to actually do any work. I just don’t care.
I scroll through Twitter and Facebook, really thinking I should just delete them. I just don’t care.
I go through my Reader. Reading the words my friends have written. But I don’t comment. I just don’t care.
This is the last day of October. My favorite month. But I haven’t been able to enjoy it. There are no Halloween decorations up. The pumpkins are sitting on the kitchen table, uncarved. I went to Halloween Hallows (kids can trick or treat at some of the stores downtown) this weekend with Jamie, but I really didn’t feel myself enjoying it. I was satisfied to see a smile on T’s face. So I guess that’s all that matters.
The house is a mess. Piles of papers I need to do things with. Books I should read. Things I should write. Shirts that need to be hung. Dishes to be washed. Dust clings to every surface.
I just don’t care.