“My boyfriend is going with us. Is that okay? He’s a single dad. Very responsible.”
So, Saturday evening I went on a date. A friend of mine was gracious enough to watch T for me. They went to this bounce house/obstacle course playground place, which I thought was really sweet of her to do. Her little guy is just over a year old.
The day before, I got an email from her asking if it was okay that she was going to bring her boyfriend. This is a guy who is twice her age, a single dad of two (5 & 3), and I have never met him. I saw a picture on Facebook once, but at the time I didn’t realize it was her boyfriend. In fact, I didn’t even know she was dating someone.
We’re good friends, but her social life is very active. I stopped trying to keep up when she got with and broke up with the same guy 3 times in only a few months.
My first response was to tell her the truth. Which is always a good thing. I told her that I didn’t care if her boyfriend went with, but I would appreciate it if she didn’t leave my son alone with this guy. Then I put: “Because I’m crazy and paranoid and I’m sure you know that about me already. ;)”
She was fine with it. She understood.
But I’ve been thinking about my response.
Why did I feel I had to qualify my answer with a joke?
I didn’t want to offend her, really. Because a lot of people would probably be offended that I don’t feel like I can automatically trust their judgment in people. I have a little boy who comes first in everything. I can’t protect him forever, and I can’t protect him from everything, but I can take control over the situations I have control over.
I’m not crazy and paranoid. I mean, sometimes I can seem that way, but a lot of my “crazy mom worries” are the same ones that parents around the world have. In this day and age, it is perfectly normal to be skittish when your child is with someone you don’t know. Even if that someone is a friend of a friend. Because you just never know.
Just because he has kids doesn’t make him automatically trustworthy.
It’s sad that this is the world we live in, but it’s also very much the truth.
I am thankful that my friend was understanding. We even talked about it later. She told me that she would have said pretty much the same thing.
Next time, I won’t make a joke. I won’t try to avoid possibly offending a friend just because I am protective over my child. I’m going to own it. “Yes, I trust you to watch my child. But I do not have to trust your boyfriend to watch my child. Feel free to bring him along, but please do not leave my son alone with him. Especially when I don’t even know the guy.”