I won an award the other day.
And I immediately broke out into a grin.
Because I had witnessed the creation of that award.
And it is giggle-worthy.
So here it is in all it’s splendor:
Isn’t it beautiful, with it’s colors and it’s balloons and it’s use of COMIC SANS and the adorable little kitten who appears to be dancing in a rain of jelly beans?
Yes. It is beautiful.
And there are rules that come with accepting this award, so here they are:
1. You must proudly display the absolutely disgusting graphic that I have created for these purposes (put it in your post, you don’t have to put it in your sidebar, I think that would seriously be asking too much). It’s so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there’s even a little fucking jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It’s horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we’re creating here. If you need a higher resolution version… I totally have one!!
2. You must list 5 things about yourself, and 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we’ll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we’re just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 that you lied about, you lying bastards! But don’t go crazy trying to think of stuff, we’re not really interested in quality here.
3. You must pass this award on to 5 bloggers that you either like or don’t like or don’t really have much of an opinion about. I don’t care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. I mean, you can give a reason if you want, but I don’t really care.
4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I will fucking hunt your ass down and harass you incessantly until you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don’t know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I’ll leave you alone. I’m serious. I’m going to do these things.
And because Jill terrifies me and I don’t want her to hunt me down, here are 4 bold-face lies and one truth.
1. I’m really a 48-year-old man living in Australia. I’ve had you all fooled from day one.
2. I’ve been married 13 times and have 28 children.
3. I believe the Kardashians will save us all from the impending zombie apocalypse.
4. I once convinced my sister that my BFF and I were twins.
5. I’m an international spy and, since I just told you, I’m going to have to kill you.
Now I have to pass on the award to five other lovely bloggers. Which sounds like fun, if only because it might totally annoy them.
And now that my obligations have been fulfilled and I am off to write a real blog post.