I don’t really know what this is. An update?

Hi! So if you have followed me on Twitter recently, you know that I totally went out and bought myself a domain. It felt kind of awesome. I bought it on Friday, and now it is Tuesday and you’ll notice that my web address still has that pesky “.blogspot” in it. That’s because I apparently screwed something up. I followed all of the directions, but my blog did not transfer to my new fancy domain. I’ve been stalking the Google Help forums, but there is no way to simply email someone to be like, “Hey! What happened?” I posted on the forum, but so far? No luck. So if you’re reading this and you know anything about buying domains through Blogger, please contact me. I need help!

——————————————————

I’m really trying to write some more.

I have so many stories flying around in my head, but when I sit here with some time to write, nothing comes out.

There’s this voice inside my head – I’m positive you all get it – and it keeps shouting at me. You’ll never go anywhere with this writing stuff anyway. Why even try? What’s the point? It’s not going to pay the bills. Put your focus somewhere else. Somewhere that will make you some money! Why waste your time writing when you could be updating your resume!

I’m not even really listening to the voice. It’s not like I’m putting any real effort into anything else. I’m not job hunting, as I probably should be. I haven’t posted my ad for editing, since I’m pretty sure nobody will respond. I still haven’t sat down and drawn up a real budget. I’m still going with the “I’m pretty sure there’s enough money to cover this bill” line of thinking. Which has always ended up getting me into trouble.
I’m always talking about making changes in my life. I had this grand scheme to take the LSAT and go to law school. Which would require not only a three-year commitment of my life (and a million more dollars added to my student loans), but I would also have to move. Away from this little place I call home. Away from this little place where I have a few friends, a comfortable place to live, and I’m not too far from my family.

It was a scary scheme.

But I kept telling myself, “It’ll be good for me. It’ll be good for T.”

But how could that be?

How could moving several hundred (at least) miles away from his dad be a good thing? Especially at a time when neither one of us would be able to afford any sort of travel arrangements.

How could taking T away from the only place he knows as home be a good thing? Especially when it would require a sacrifice of my time with him.

How could leaving my best friend be a good thing? Especially when I moved back to this place to be closer to her in the first place.

If I made the choice, I know I could do it. I know I could make it work. I could struggle and study and take out loans and make the move and work everything out. Somehow it would get figured out. Somehow it would work.

But I really don’t want to make it work.

Especially for a dream I’m not even sure is mine.

So I’m back to where I was several months ago. I’m still going to go back to school. If I can get my butt in gear, I can probably start this semester. But it’s not law school.

At least not yet.

I have to figure out what my dream career is, before I rack up more student loans for a degree I only thought I wanted.

And I’ll keep making myself write. I’ll keep attempting to get the stories out of my head and onto paper and maybe even in the hands of an editor at some point.

Because that’s the dream I know is mine. Being published is my dream. Even if I can’t make a career out of it, I still want to see my name on the cover of a book as author.

I know this is jumbled. I know it doesn’t flow. I know it doesn’t really make sense.

But I’m putting it out there.

More life changes.

Maybe this one will actually stick for more than a minute.

Share Button