There was a discussion the other night between the ex-husband and myself. (I know, we actually had a conversation. And there wasn’t even any yelling!) Since the kiddo was in the room, I started it off as a conversation with him about the changes that are going to be happening pretty soon.
We’ve already had lots of conversations about how his dad and I used to be married. Sometimes he seems quite amused that his parents were boyfriend and girlfriend and they used to kiss. I have literally heard him giggle about it.
Now we’re talking about how, soon, we are going to have separate homes.
He is excited about the concept of having two houses.
I’m sure the reality will be a little bit more difficult in practice.
There will be a definite transitional period once the move happens, and I’m looking forward to making it as positive an experience as possible. He’s already pretty familiar with the days of the week and how it corresponds to what he’s doing and who he gets to hang out with. These days will remain pretty much the same, in that I will have him on my weekends and his dad will have him on his “weekends” (he has different days off than I do). Then there’s the three days a week he goes to school. Those will be the days we alternate week-to-week.
I wonder what that will be like for him. Thus far, those three days still end up being days he spends with me (after school) because his dad has band practice. Once he moves though, we will alternate the kiddo between the houses.
However, I will still see him in the early morning on these days because his dad has to be to work before the school opens. So I’ll still be the one taking him to school, but I won’t be picking him up every other week.
Writing it out makes it sound confusing, but it’s really not.
And I think I worry a little bit too much. I already know that the first few weeks of this arrangement will be an adjustment. And possibly difficult for him. Because it’s just another thing in his life that is changing and he has no control over it.
So I’m looking for suggestions. I’m going in and out of forums, parenting websites, and the blogs I read. I’m trying to find ways to make this as easy as possible for him.
He already has his Buddy – his stuffed dog who will go with him no matter what house he is at.
But what else is there? What else can I do to make this easier? Maybe there isn’t really all that much. No matter what I do, how much preparation or thought I put into the move, there will be confusion.
He will be at my house and suddenly decide he wants his Iron Man costume. But he left it at his dad’s house. And I won’t drive over there to get it. Choose a different costume.
He will be at his dad’s house and will really want to play with his kitchen. But it stayed at my house. Pick another toy.
He’ll wake up in the morning and really want to wear his Superman shirt. But it’s at the wrong house.
And he doesn’t deal with that kind of stuff very well already. If his Superman shirt is dirty (and I mean really dirty, not just he wore it once) and I tell him he can’t wear it to school, we get an epic meltdown.
Although, somehow, we survive those meltdowns.
So I guess we’ll just have to learn how to survive.
And hold on to the excitement he’s feeling now. Make it a fun adventure to move some of the stuff over to his dad’s new house. Have him draw pictures to hang on the walls at his new house. Give him pictures of him and each of us to put up at both of his houses. And stay positive. Always stay positive.
|Yeah…I’ll miss him when he’s not around…|