RemembeRED: Bad/Good

Let me tell you a story about a girl who did everything she was supposed to do.

Did you click the link? Did you read the post?

So I could tell you that, despite having a baby and marrying the wrong guy and being divorced by 27 and working mindless jobs for my entire life so far, everything has worked out and my life is absolutely beautiful.

I could do that.

Or I could be honest.

I’m not there yet.

I’m right in the middle of it.

I’m not far enough removed to start telling you how doing everything wrong has turned out to be right. I haven’t been able to move forward enough for that to be true. Not in the least.

I’m still living with my ex-husband. I’m still working as an admin for a company that always seems to be falling apart. I’m still not making enough money to survive. I’m still in a place where I feel one bad day away from living in my car by the river.

(Although I do have a support system that wouldn’t actually allow that to happen.)

So I really can’t sit here and tell you that something terrible happened in my life, but I was able to find something beautiful in it. I’m too much “in this shit” to be able to even look back to my childhood to see if there was something there that would fit.

There probably is.

But I am too tied up in wondering when I’ll be able to look back at this time frame and see it for what it really is.

Although I am kind of rooting for myself. I think I really will be able to look back at this and think, “Well yeah, it was tough. But look at how strong I was. Look at what I did to make it better. Look where it has taken me!”

———-

This week’s RemembeRED memoir prompt was to recall something in your life that seemed terrible at the time, but looking back, brought you something wonderful. I guess it’s debatable whether I actually followed the rules.

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