Things I hear because my boss loves speakerphone

My boss loves speakerphone. In fact, I’ve never seen (or heard) him on the office phone with receiver to his ear. I, on the other hand, hate speakerphone. I hate being able to hear other people’s conversations. However, today I realized that this makes me privy to a few exciting little conversations.

Background: My boss checks his office voicemail about once in a green moon. Seriously, rarely. Every once in a while he will sit down & try to catch up on all those voicemails all in one sitting. Okay, so “Susan X” (not her real name, obviously) left him a voicemail saying to call her back. So he dials the number she left. Here’s what happened…

Step One: calls number from message; asks for Susan X. receptionist puts him on hold while she tries to find her.

Step Two: mysterious woman answers phone. He tells her that he’s trying to reach Susan X. Mysterious woman puts him on hold.

Step Three: receptionist returns to call. Susan X is unavailable, but would he like to leave a voicemail? He says yes, so she – supposedly – transfers him to Susan X’s voicemail.

Step Four: mysterious woman #2 (may be the same one as before, but it’s hard to tell) answers the phone. He tells her that he’s trying to leave a voicemail for Susan X. Mysterious woman puts him on hold – supposedly – to transfer to him to Susan X’s voicemail.

Step Five: mysterious woman (may be receptionist) answers phone. He tells her she was supposed to transfer him to Susan X’s voicemail. SHE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE OR EXPLAIN. She transfers him – finally – to Susan X’s voicemail. (and what really gets me? he remained calm the ENTIRE TIME. I would’ve been furious by Step Two!)

Sounds like someone needs to call up their phone guy for an awesome tutorial, like I got to attend. My phone guy made me sit through his tutorial where he demonstrated for me how to place a call. Seriously. Pick up phone, dial number. Two half-hour sessions. Plus, he had me read the instruction manual. Which meant that I understood the phone completely before he said a word. Plus, you know, I’ve used lots of office phones. They all kind of work the same. Or maybe I’m just super brilliant at phone-usage.

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