Today I came home to a short list I had written the night before. A “to do” list to remind me. If I clean my house a little bit at a time, the task doesn’t seem as daunting.
As soon as I got home, I vacuumed my bedroom. After dinner, I’ll clean one of the bathrooms (the one that doesn’t get used quite as much so it’s not quite as dirty).
Yesterday I vacuumed the living room and cleaned out/straightened up our small game closet.
I do a small chore, with music on in the background, and then make dinner. I enjoy dinner with my son, play a game with him, and then do another small chore. Reading time is for just before he goes to bed (we’re still making our way through Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix). Once he’s in bed, I’ve given myself writing time. I’ve also given myself permission to use that time to watch an episode of something on Netflix if I feel like it. Then it’s my bedtime.
This is the most productivity I’ve seen from myself in a long time. It includes cleaning up, but not stressing out over it. If something on the list isn’t done, it stays on for tomorrow’s list. If T decides he wants to play two games, that comes out of my chore time. Because, come on, what sounds like more fun: scrubbing a toilet or playing another round of Doctor Who Yahtzee?
I feel good. I haven’t yelled in several days, except for just a moment at a jerk on the road who was going somewhere much more important than me and felt it necessary to cut me off. But! When that jerk cut me off, I yelled that he was a jerk (or a less PG term) and then I took a deep breath. The anger dissipated and I wasn’t still seething minutes later as I would have been in the past.
I’m still in a bit of my hermit mode, but I don’t think that has ever really had anything to do with my depression. I’m just an introvert who needs her hermit days. It’s a part of who I am.
Every day won’t be like yesterday and today. It won’t always be spontaneous dance parties and Yahtzee. But maybe it will be like this more often than not.