Everyone else believes. Why can’t I?

I went through two interviews that I thought went really well, but I still didn’t think I’d get the job.

I had two of my references tell me they received calls and gave me glowing reviews, but I still didn’t think I’d get the job.

When he called and said his name, it didn’t occur to me that he was calling to offer me the job. My first reaction when he said it was, “Really?”

believe

He laughed.

But up until that point I was still sure I wouldn’t get the job.

When I thought about telling certain people I was accepting a new job, I thought they would be upset with me. I had always been one of the people in the office that everyone could get along with, but I was certain all of that would change during my last two weeks.

When I first told the director that I was leaving, she was happy for me. Others said the same thing. They were happy for me; they were excited I had this new opportunity.

They would miss me, and they were sad to see me go.

But they all seemed so genuinely happy that I had such a great offer.

When I told the IT manager who has called me the wrong name for two and a half years (We laugh about it. He even finally got rid of my 12-year-old computer that was dying to make up for it.), I thought he would be upset that I had wasted his time switching out my computer.

He said he was proud of me.

I have heard nothing but good things for two days since making the decision. My work friends tease me and tell me I’m ruining everything. They pretend to get upset that I’m abandoning them. We laugh and joke about it a lot.

But there is still so much positivity.

I still can’t believe I got the job.

Seriously.

When the woman was scheduling my second interview mentioned there were five other candidates, I was sure they were all infinitely better choices than me. They had more experienced. They were better qualified. One of them would get it.

It still surprises me that I can be considered “better qualified” for anything. That I am the better choice. Even out of a pool of six candidates.

I don’t believe in myself.

But the people I surround myself with do.

They always do.

I’m not even just talking about my close friends and my family.

I’m even talking about the people I work with. The people I spend 40 hours every week with believe in me more than I believe in myself.

That’s actually pretty sad now that I think about it.

People I’ve met through blogging and social media, most of whom I’ve never even met face-to-face, believe in me more than I believe in myself.

Now I’m just starting to depress myself.

I’m over the moon about this new position. I have a long list of things I want to get done in the next two weeks before I leave, but I am so anxious to get started and help make this new program a huge success. I think it’s going to be amazing.

And maybe I’ll be amazing too.

I just need to believe in myself.

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