You know what’s super annoying? Feeling bad about things that happened in the past.
I’m not even just talking about yesterday, or last week. I’m talking about things that happened before I even hit puberty. I was a child and I still feel bad for some of the mistakes I made.
One particular event comes to mind these days, and I’m really not sure what sparked the memory.
I was over at my friend’s house having dinner with her and her family. Her brother was trying to say something and he started to stutter.
What did I do?
I decided it would be a good idea to mock the stutter.
His mother made a comment about how I was being rude, and I’m glad she did. I’m glad she stood up for her son. I’m glad because it made me realize that what I was doing really was rude. I started to consider his feelings, and how I’d feel if the roles had been reversed.
It’s not that I didn’t know what it was like to be teased. I did. I had an older brother. And kids at school. Trust me, I knew what it felt like.
But to be told in that moment how I was hurting the boy? It made a big difference.
I can’t remember exactly how she phrased it, but his mother didn’t scold me or yell. She just told me that what I was doing wasn’t nice.
And as much of a difference as it made, giving me that perspective, I still feel bad about what I did. Still. All these years later. I don’t even know those people anymore. But I still feel bad.
So, I’m sorry D—- for mocking your stutter. That was a shit thing to do.